Appearance, the varnish of elegance

We often perceive elegance as an attitude or a way of dressing: a neat outfit, a confident posture, a smile, a controlled hairstyle, carefully selected accessories.

Of course, all of this matters. In many fields, luxury, tourism, hospitality, gastronomy, arts and crafts, and even culture, first impressions are essential. Image reassures and legitimises.

Whether during recruitment or simply in an exchange with a client, presenting oneself well, being properly put together, is first and foremost a matter of respect. And even if mindsets evolve, taking care of one’s appearance will never be completely outdated or superficial.

Take the example of gastronomic chefs:
For some time now, influenced by trends coming from Northern countries, certain chefs have chosen to abandon the traditional jacket in favour of a simple polo and apron. However, despite this newfound simplicity, their outfit remains carefully thought out: natural materials, authentic colours, harmony of tones…

Appearance remains the indispensable varnish of elegance.

Inner wealth, a deeper elegance

Elegance based on appearance is often very useful for making a good impression.
In a world of appearances, it is often what counts to initiate a personal or professional relationship.

But do you think that is enough to stay in people’s minds and inspire long-term admiration?

True elegance cannot be bought in stores. It is lived, it is embodied.

To do so, one must:
• Truly know oneself
• Have undertaken inner work: ego, fears, limiting beliefs…
• Be able to appreciate oneself thanks to healthy self-esteem
• Feel at peace with oneself by being aligned
• Gain stability and emotional security
• Live in coherence with who one really is

The list is non-exhaustive but essential.

Some reject personal development, yet they are often the ones who need it the most. Working on oneself is part of emotional competences. It is the ability to know how to question oneself.

Inner work also allows one to gain self-confidence and stop seeking validation.

It is ultimately this inner beauty that makes a person elegant. Not because they force radiance, but because they embody radiance themselves, in the most natural and authentic way.

Absolute elegance,
the art of making others shine

Radiating through one’s appearance and inner richness is beautiful, but isn’t it, perhaps, a little narcissistic?

In a world where everyone strives to showcase themselves on social media, through their business offering, their image, and their identity, there exists, in my view, an even higher level of elegance.

A level that inspires both respect and admiration: the art of helping others radiate.

Here, I’m not talking about highlighting others in order to shine more brightly yourself. Nor about using someone else’s image to enhance your own visibility. Nor about manipulating others to get what you want. I’m talking about truly allowing others to shine, without seeking to take credit, with genuine authenticity.

True elegance resides in the relationship.
It reflects the nobility of the heart, the ability to recognize another’s intangible richness, regardless of their status.

Relational elegance, in my view, is the highest form of elegance.
The key: to radiate yourself while helping others radiate as well.

Relational elegance as
a key to management success

If relational elegance can apply in our everyday lives, personally and professionally, it is important to point out that it takes on even greater significance in managerial success.

Let’s take the example of a business leader (or leader of a sports club, or political representative).

Imagine this person naturally radiates. They master their body language, handle their stress perfectly, and present themselves with confidence in front of their audience. They speak with calm, uprightness, a smile, and exude openness.

All of this can seem wonderful.

However, it is easy to see that if this person radiates only for themselves, through ego, they may have a semblance of charisma, but will struggle to bring people together.

On the other hand, if this person radiates with the clear intention of helping their people or their team shine, they will gain charisma, respect and admiration.

In truth, this principle applies to every field where one guides and inspires others.

To remain in the world of gastronomy, let’s take the example of a chef at the beginning of his career. He may be tempted to cook in order to receive compliments, to shine in the eyes of others, to seek validation.

But a chef at the end of his career will most likely want to cook in order to pass on knowledge to his apprentices, to enrich them with his expertise, to encourage them and congratulate their efforts. He will want to give with humility.

The one who gives without expecting anything in return always radiates more than the one who takes.

And making others radiate is not only about giving: it is about revealing.

The ability to help others radiate professionally can be learned. It is rarely innate.

The opposite of relational elegance

We all know people who are competent, even brilliant, at what they do.
And yet, we don’t necessarily admire them. We simply don’t feel that good in their presence.

Can you tell why?

They are often people who believe themselves to be kind, but who aren’t quite as much as they think.
People who dim our light instead of helping us shine. Who take our energy instead of giving us theirs. Who drain or exhaust us instead of enlightening and recharging us.

This is often the case with people who are vague, lacking involvement, clarity, or genuine commitment in their relationships. A relationship, whether personal or professional, is not meant to make one feel consumed. In fact, when the intention to build is one-sided, it usually becomes an unhealthy, even toxic, relationship.

In the professional world, when a team gives everything and receives neither recognition, nor safety, nor trust, it grows tired. It closes off, loses motivation, and slowly fades.

Some people even feed off another’s radiance, not out of malice, but unconsciously. They draw on the strength, kindness, and stability of others because they lack those foundations themselves. Without realizing it, they wear out the relationship.

This can also concern people with a strong ego.
I once met a jeweler, a Meilleur Ouvrier de France, near the end of his career, who often spoke about himself and his achievements, lamenting the lack of support from his peers. He concentrated all the light on himself, leaving no room for true exchange. He failed to see that this lack of openness probably explained the distance he regretted so much.

And then, there are those who look down on others, who are indifferent, who fail to recognize your worth, who make you feel unseen. Those who judge you before knowing you, who speak with arrogance, who don’t take you seriously, who wish to diminish, dominate, or even control you.

Radiance is meant to be shared

Imagine if two people who radiate had the mutual intention of helping each other radiate.

Whether in a couple or at work, it is a dream relationship.

Human connection is sublime when it makes us feel unique and remarkable.
It propels us into the light when we feel the other person’s desire to build a sincere relationship, without masks, without unspoken things, without inconsistencies, without lies, without silences, nor false pretences.

The relationship makes you want to invest, it values, it secures, it protects and it recognises. It inspires. In a team, radiance can be measured by what each person becomes through contact with another.

Nurturing a relationship between two people means:
• Knowing how to give each other compliments, without flattery
• Aligning words with proof and action
• Creating shared emotional safety and stability
• Believing in each other’s potential: encouraging each other’s projects
• Imagining a future with common values and objectives

Whether in a personal or professional context, everyone wants to be recognised for their value and move forward within a healthy, stable, peaceful and obvious connection.

A person is a little like a plant. One must know how to water them every day so that they flourish. Water them with peace, serenity, joy and positive emotions.

Developing relational elegance in a company means being aware of the common work to be done, whether in management, within teams, or between departments.

True radiance is never personal. It is shared through reciprocity.

Professional aura in practice

Elegance, whether inner or relational, requires daily work.

It requires refusing ease and cultivating strong emotional intelligence, thus wanting to strengthen or acquire new emotional skills.

Someone who understands that inner work can help develop a beautiful professional aura is someone who has already travelled far within themselves.

At a time of artificial intelligence, where everything becomes superficial, humanity and authenticity become a luxury.
Our era no longer needs “celebrities” in the workplace, oversized egos trying to stand out.
It needs presence: managers who enlighten others with truth and authenticity.

It is never too late to start inner work.

I am a consultant, trainer, and mentor specializing in human capital and intangible cultural heritage.

Among the services I provide, I guide individuals who want to learn how to radiate, deepen their self-knowledge, and understand the keys to relational elegance.

For several years, I have also taught French elegance: the one that reaches divine grace, as described by Honoré de Balzac in his 1833 essay Traité de la vie élégante.

I also explore elegance through the dimension of appearance, with the world of sartorial art and its philosophy, praised by movements of younger generations.

If you would like personal or group support, contact me. I will be happy to meet your needs.

Noëlie Nottet

Human capital

09 november 2025